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I find that the older I get the more emotional I become within the larger aspects of the world. I'm very much a think and have always been that way, as i have aged many of those thoughts have itnernalized and have allowed me great depths of well I don't know what word to use. What brings this to mind on this day is the event at virginia tech. it's sick! very, very sick! not just that that gunman went out and shot all those young people, but alsp because this guy felt he was in a situation that he had to do so. I found myself listening to the radio last night as I drove home to San Jose from San Francisco. And I am thinking, and frustrated that noone talks about it. and I don't mean in an shock and awe type of way.this whole craziness is sick. really sick! I was listeing to some guy on the radio last night talk about how his friend was the one survivor in the classroom because he played dead. the guy that played dead was lying on the floor looking straight at his lab partner as she got shot in the eye. then as he laid there pretending he was dead the gunman kept shooting into the bodies. he felt that each shot could have gone into him but he felt nothing. the even more sick thing is that he is not getting the psychological help he needs. the psychologist said that for a month he, the guy who played dead, would be ain a state of suspension with a great apprecaiation for being alive. wtf?! hopefully the psychs will wise up sooner to the post traumatic stress and all the other psycholigcal issues he will ensue. sick. very, very sick!
Anyway, as I was hearing all this and the tone in his voice all I could sense was a stillness in time as a huge knot developed in my stomach. I didn't cry but could feel the tension in my eyes are I drove home thinking and feeling. feeling and thinking. I wasn't always like this. I use to just be a kid and not care to understand this stuff. then I understand it. then i understood it. then I realized it. then i internalized it... I was the one with nerves of steel. and in a way I am because 90%of the stuff out there atleast in this society i don't really find moving. it's rather superficial and coming of age scenarios. but anyway, i am going to cut this short. I'm should eat and I have a headache.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=9619385